been a while

You're never going to be the person that people expect. Whether or not they say it out loud, or even mean to, people will always pass judgement and set the bar to their own expectations of how you will turn out to be. It's inevitable, but whenever it happens to me, I can't help but feel guilty. I can't help but look at myself and ask "Where did I go wrong?" I thought I do an adequate job at satifsfying other's needs, but no matter where you go, its never enough.

Sorry to everyone I let down. Sorry that I'm not the girl you expected.

How do you solve a problem you feel will never go away? If you truly believe that you are headed somewhere negative, do you keep on pursuing? I wasn't this negative before, but now I can see where I might be headed. I've conditioned myself to just keep quiet and it sucks.

God I really need a personal journal.
At the same time... I only think to blog when some thing bad happens (hence why my blog is empty)
do I really want to hold on to those memories like that?

idk

i have so much to say, but i can't say anything

headache

My headache won't go away.


I'm listening kat and myke play guitar and sing together.
God... if i could sing and play guitar I would do it all the time
I wish I could write. hahaha I have trouble just writing freely
If I could write... I would write about the good things in my life.
The little things too, because those are the best.

Being surprised with my favorite ice cream one day.
"I bought this ice cream because its your favorite"
Being compared to girls he "supposably" had feelings for.
Am I that much better that you question the past?
Whenever I run into him unexpectedly I get butterflies
I'm so lame ha.

The list goes on...
My life is all sorts of awesome right now

God my head is killing me again...
Goodnight

pointless blogettes

I can't sleep
Sometimes people actually cry themselves to sleep.
When I can't get a good cry out I can't sleep
So its 5:45 am... I've tried sleeping
however it seems pointless so I'm back online
In a few hours I'm going to a flea market with my friend...
then I'm suppose to drive to Philly around 10pm...
god I hope I can make it.
I'm gonna try to nap, but sometimes I get really distracted...

My sleeping schedule all break has been odd.
eff me

just do it!

I've been listening to Amy Kuney for quite some time... but I was never completely drawn to her. But lately I can't stop listening to her song "Rocket Surgery"...

"So hold me, dont think too hard about it
Would common sense allow it?
You wait too long and youll lose me
Just do it when you get the urging
Oh its not rocket surgery
When you know you love someone its easy"


ugh. I love it

I'm a zero

I can't even count the number of times I started to blog but ended up deleting my entry half way through.

I feel so alone right now.
I'm home for a few days and I only have an interest in seeing a few people.
I try so hard to fill the voids with other people when those select few are busy
I've been alone almost every night
physically there are people around me
but I feel sooo alone.

I woke up at 4pm today after I stayed up all night miserable
No texts and no calls