me: mornin
greg: gooooddd morning!!! how are ya?
me: goooooood, so sleepy
greg: u need a monster! i have a case in mah room
me: uh i need one
greg: ill teleport it to u now
me: i didnt get it
greg: oh boy
this is gonna be embarassing
me: lol what what
greg: i think i sent it to the wrong place
me: oh dear
This kid always manages to make me smile.
SO its only Day 2 of Lent
I almost bought a bagel today because I forgot. I was walking into the deli so excited for my breakfast sandwich and then I remembered that I gave up bagels for Lent. I ended up leaving the deli empty handed because I got really sad. HAHA I am so lame.
Another note.
People have been telling me to do D5 coffehouse but I'm such a chicken. Ben asked me to be on his radio show this Sunday, but I'm to scared for even that!! Its hard for me to feel confident as is, and when I'm surrounded by friends who are so musically and artistically talented it makes it even harder. I am a baby.
Am I loser for being really excited that I have 5 followers :)
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Rambleramble
To an outsider looking in, everything seemed normal, nothing out of the ordinary. But one scratch on that thin, superficial surface revealed nothing but tension and almost no form of order. I was a mess. There seemed to be no sunshine in my life, but I was damn good at making it seem like there was. I smiled as the words flow out so naturally, but the excitement and emotion portrayed by my peers just did not phase me. I was a mess but no one knew. My last few years in high school were a lie.
When it came to my friends, I always felt like I didn’t really belong there. I would constantly jump from one group of “best friends” to another. I didn’t know what to hate more; the fact that I kept turning my back on people, or the fact that sometimes I felt like they never fully embraced me. I think I grew closest to my friends from home after high school ended. We took all our old memories and used them to create a bond with almost no weak spots. In one of my previous entries, I mentioned that my friends from freshman year of college are far from friends now. Last year, that thought never would have crossed my mind. It’s funny how things work out. Fingers crossed that it won’t happen again.
What most people don't know about me is that, back in high school, going to school everyday was a haven for me. Life at home wasn't great and I just didn’t want to be there. I did what I could to stay out of the house. I played softball in the spring, and on the off season I would stay after to do homework, or just hang around.
It’s hard to explain the tension I dealt with.
Tension between myself and my brother
Myself and my mother
Myself and my father
The tension between my mother and my father
All of it was hard to deal with. And all I wanted to do was avoid it. If you think its a typical family fight then don’t ever bring it up to me because I will never want to explain it because I’m not going to trust you to understand me.
It’s hard to explain. I'm not going to go into detail via internet about specific problems, that’s more so for my close friends. I'm also very picky about who I tell. But the hardest part of dealing with it is over for me. It’s behind me. There is still a lot of tension, but I’ve learned to ignore. I’m too scared to put it out on the table. Maybe the hardest part has yet to come- confrontation.
But for now, and for the most part, sophomore-year-of-college Ally is a happy camper. I’m a much different person, and I’ve grown since last year. And I’m really tired so I’m gonna make coffee now.
When it came to my friends, I always felt like I didn’t really belong there. I would constantly jump from one group of “best friends” to another. I didn’t know what to hate more; the fact that I kept turning my back on people, or the fact that sometimes I felt like they never fully embraced me. I think I grew closest to my friends from home after high school ended. We took all our old memories and used them to create a bond with almost no weak spots. In one of my previous entries, I mentioned that my friends from freshman year of college are far from friends now. Last year, that thought never would have crossed my mind. It’s funny how things work out. Fingers crossed that it won’t happen again.
What most people don't know about me is that, back in high school, going to school everyday was a haven for me. Life at home wasn't great and I just didn’t want to be there. I did what I could to stay out of the house. I played softball in the spring, and on the off season I would stay after to do homework, or just hang around.
It’s hard to explain the tension I dealt with.
Tension between myself and my brother
Myself and my mother
Myself and my father
The tension between my mother and my father
All of it was hard to deal with. And all I wanted to do was avoid it. If you think its a typical family fight then don’t ever bring it up to me because I will never want to explain it because I’m not going to trust you to understand me.
It’s hard to explain. I'm not going to go into detail via internet about specific problems, that’s more so for my close friends. I'm also very picky about who I tell. But the hardest part of dealing with it is over for me. It’s behind me. There is still a lot of tension, but I’ve learned to ignore. I’m too scared to put it out on the table. Maybe the hardest part has yet to come- confrontation.
But for now, and for the most part, sophomore-year-of-college Ally is a happy camper. I’m a much different person, and I’ve grown since last year. And I’m really tired so I’m gonna make coffee now.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
One more thing
Happy Birthday Kylie
There's a party in heaven tonight.
FEBRUARY 24, 1989 - DECEMBER 28, 2007
I misssss youu <3
There's a party in heaven tonight.
FEBRUARY 24, 1989 - DECEMBER 28, 2007
I misssss youu <3
Full time jobs suck.
I think I just snored a little.
I'm at work.
I just drooled a little.
I am so tired that it's making me dizzy and it hurts to try to keep my eyes open.
I hate this job. For the non- Drexel student, most majors at Drexel University offer a "co-op" which is basically an internship. The work experience is one of the major reasons I came to Drexel. My co-op is for two terms and I work full time and it sucks ass. I don't do shiiiiit related to nursing. My next task of the day is to put away supplies. SUPPLIES. Not even supplies you find in a hospital. No. I'm putting away paper, and pens, and binders and shit.
I've fetched lunch a couple of times too. fml.
I'm a nursing major. Not a paper pusher, or a personal errands girl. This job makes me feel like nothing because that is all I do. From 8:30am- 5pm I am someone's bitch.
I miss my old job. I recently directed my friend to work there and I grew sad as I explained what job entailed. It's been a while since I've seen my buddies at work and I miss them so much.
For about 2 years, I worked closely with kids who have autism. Most people don't understand the social disorder and many are afraid of indivduals affected by it, but I saw something different. Just a child misunderstood. I loved spending my time growing close with these kids and gaining the their trust. I loved watching them learn new things because I was proud of them and myself for being there to help. I loved helping them through rough times because they honestly helped me as well.
I think what I love and miss the most is the feeling I get when the students know exactly who I am and run up to me excited to see me. Their smiles and laughs are contagious. I love that feeling I get when I can hear MY name being called from a different room because I'm the one they are searching for. That certain satisfaction of knowing that I've touched the heart of an individual with autism.
This one boy in particular remembered all our little jokes even after I had been away for a few months. He has a very limited vocabulary but we're still able to communicate in a more meaningful way. It meant a lot.
Welcome to the grown up world Ally.
That reminds me of that one episode of the Rugrats... You know which one I'm talking about? They are grown-ups and all hell breaks lose.
edit:
I just made a ton of copies.
I'm at work.
I just drooled a little.
I am so tired that it's making me dizzy and it hurts to try to keep my eyes open.
I hate this job. For the non- Drexel student, most majors at Drexel University offer a "co-op" which is basically an internship. The work experience is one of the major reasons I came to Drexel. My co-op is for two terms and I work full time and it sucks ass. I don't do shiiiiit related to nursing. My next task of the day is to put away supplies. SUPPLIES. Not even supplies you find in a hospital. No. I'm putting away paper, and pens, and binders and shit.
I've fetched lunch a couple of times too. fml.
I'm a nursing major. Not a paper pusher, or a personal errands girl. This job makes me feel like nothing because that is all I do. From 8:30am- 5pm I am someone's bitch.
I miss my old job. I recently directed my friend to work there and I grew sad as I explained what job entailed. It's been a while since I've seen my buddies at work and I miss them so much.
For about 2 years, I worked closely with kids who have autism. Most people don't understand the social disorder and many are afraid of indivduals affected by it, but I saw something different. Just a child misunderstood. I loved spending my time growing close with these kids and gaining the their trust. I loved watching them learn new things because I was proud of them and myself for being there to help. I loved helping them through rough times because they honestly helped me as well.
I think what I love and miss the most is the feeling I get when the students know exactly who I am and run up to me excited to see me. Their smiles and laughs are contagious. I love that feeling I get when I can hear MY name being called from a different room because I'm the one they are searching for. That certain satisfaction of knowing that I've touched the heart of an individual with autism.
This one boy in particular remembered all our little jokes even after I had been away for a few months. He has a very limited vocabulary but we're still able to communicate in a more meaningful way. It meant a lot.
Welcome to the grown up world Ally.
That reminds me of that one episode of the Rugrats... You know which one I'm talking about? They are grown-ups and all hell breaks lose.
edit:
I just made a ton of copies.
Monday, February 23, 2009
What I realized over ther weekend
Old and new friends... whatever... I can't live without them.
If a close friend is sad, I am sad. You happy, I happy :)
Being able to see two familiar faces this past weekend helped me realize that I'll always have friends who will have my back no matter what. No matter the distance, or the time spent apart, "awkward" will never be a word to describe our friendships.
And regarding my new closest friends... You guys make me happy to be where I'm at today. Freshman year my life was so different, and almost everyone I met in college is far from a friend now. This being only my second year of college, a lot has changed. I've met a lot of sketchy people in my life, but this is a 180. The only think I hate is that a handfull of you fuckers are older than me. Old enough to go out without being questioned, or old enough that you are closer to graduating. To those who are closer to my age- do not fret, for I love you as well <3
Rip Ky
If a close friend is sad, I am sad. You happy, I happy :)
Being able to see two familiar faces this past weekend helped me realize that I'll always have friends who will have my back no matter what. No matter the distance, or the time spent apart, "awkward" will never be a word to describe our friendships.
And regarding my new closest friends... You guys make me happy to be where I'm at today. Freshman year my life was so different, and almost everyone I met in college is far from a friend now. This being only my second year of college, a lot has changed. I've met a lot of sketchy people in my life, but this is a 180. The only think I hate is that a handfull of you fuckers are older than me. Old enough to go out without being questioned, or old enough that you are closer to graduating. To those who are closer to my age- do not fret, for I love you as well <3
Friday, February 20, 2009
What if.......
The infamous “What If” game. Usually a harmless little game to pass time, have a few laughs with friends while you create complicated and unreal situations. However, there is seriously a dark side to this fucking game. Do me a favor and make sure you say game as sarcasticly as you can. The “What If” game can lead the mind to twisted and sick, almost heartbreaking, thoughts. Sometimes, my own thoughts are what hurt me the most. What if someone hated me enough to do something really mean? What if I was in the hospital? What if I was in a coma? What if… the sadistic questions could go on forever.
I promise you guys that I don't sit around waiting or forcing these thoughts. I would say they usually come when I'm laying in bed trying to sleep. My mind wanders to the moon and back collecting and trying to understand every little thing on the way. I think I need to calm the eff down and realize that it’s all good in the hood. I have a solid group of friends that honestly keep me sane when my own mind can’t handle a stupid “What If” game. YES people would visit me in the hospital. Phew. All better.
I had quite the serious talk about this with a good friend of mine today. Definitely consider him as a close friend, almost like a brother. We are too hard on ourselves boy.
"I'm just having conversations
with the thoughts in my head
all I hear are angels crying
oh won't they just sing instead"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lnio-pqLPgg
This is the first thing that popped into my head after that conversation.
I promise you guys that I don't sit around waiting or forcing these thoughts. I would say they usually come when I'm laying in bed trying to sleep. My mind wanders to the moon and back collecting and trying to understand every little thing on the way. I think I need to calm the eff down and realize that it’s all good in the hood. I have a solid group of friends that honestly keep me sane when my own mind can’t handle a stupid “What If” game. YES people would visit me in the hospital. Phew. All better.
I had quite the serious talk about this with a good friend of mine today. Definitely consider him as a close friend, almost like a brother. We are too hard on ourselves boy.
"I'm just having conversations
with the thoughts in my head
all I hear are angels crying
oh won't they just sing instead"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lnio-pqLPgg
This is the first thing that popped into my head after that conversation.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Lent is coming up!
Pointless shit. (not lent, this entry)
As most of you know... I'm a pretty picky eater.
As most of you know... I'm a pretty picky eater.
I Will Not Eat...
- french fries
- ketchup
- mustard
- honey mustard
- pancakes (I only like chocolate chip)
- maple syrup
- FISH ew
- shrimp
- crab
- hot dogs
- ham
- roast beef
- yogurt
- red & green peppers
- white chocolate
- grahm crackers (except when making s'mores)
- tomatoes
- most salad dressing
- etc... I can't think right now
haha.. I promise I'm not impossible to please.
My closest friends know that I lovelovelove bagels. mahal ko ang bagels. I actually just had one for breakfast and it was delicious. BUT, I know that bagels are so bad for you. They are jam packed with carbs and they are difficult for the body to break down and digest. So with lent coming up I've decided to give up bagels. With that decided, this morning I made my gchat status "I'm giving up bagels for lent."
These are the reactions I got:
p.s. most of these were used instead of the conventional "hi"
Peter: haha u can't do it
Chris: lol are you really gonna do it?
Katrina: really? but you love bagels
Gail: you are giving up bagels for lent? haha
Allen: NO WAY areyou really? brave
Kimmy: and wtf bagels/! forreals/!
Edel: u'll starve
Oh the irony: My boss got me a $20 gift card to Dunkin Donuts
I disregard the fact that bagels are exteremly unhealthly when I eat them. They are cheap and taste damn good! But I'm hoping that once lent is over, my desire for these round morsels won't be as strong haha. If I'm grumpy for the first week of lent... I'm apologizing ahead of time
No lie. I totally just drooled.
Bee. Tee. Dubs. I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE WOLVERINE MOVIE
oh... and when does lent actually start? hahaha
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Valentines day
I hate work.
3 or 4 years ago I had a livejournal which I wrote in everyday. Granted... almost every post was me whining like a bitch but regardless, I miss just typing away. I tried searching for my old username on livejournal but I can't find it haha.
Anyway
This past weekend was Valentines Day weekend. It really was just another regular day for me, I did not hate it, nor was I excited. I actually did get someone a card though, but I chickened out on giving it to them even though it was silly hah.
The actual "holiday" was spent with good friends at a Mexican restaurant. We were crowded in the corner by the bar and I'm sipping my margarita sitting on a barstool waiting for a table when all of a sudden I hear an "excuse me" coming from behind my friend. I turn to look and its some older girl sitting on the other side of him trying to get MY attention.
girl: Hi I really like your sparkles!
me: [took a while but i realized she was refering to my... necklaces] thanks
girl: Your sparkles are so pretty. I really like your sparkles.
me: Thanks a lot.
[I turn back to my friends who are clearly suffocating themselves to contain their laughter]
girl: Excuse me, I'm sorry you probably think I'm so rude, I really like your sparkles
me: Thank you
girl: What's your name I'm Kim [hand shake]
me: ally [and i return the hand shake pissed off because I know if I gave a fake name someone would call me out on it]
girl: I'm here all by myself my friends were suppose to come join me but they can't make it anymore and I'm just here alone so I figured I would at least have a good time.
me: oh that sucks
girl: I know! So I decided to have a margarita and a beer and just take a cab home later. I live kinda far so it sucks taking a cab ride all the way home its like a $30 cab ride that I have to pay by myself.
me: that sucks [I turn to my friends again who are now all blue in the face]
girl: So whats your name?
me: ...ally
girl: You're so nice, its hard to meet nice people in Philadelphia I go to school at DREXEL [of course, of course she goes to my school. fml- luckily she doing clinical rotations lmao] and its hard to meet people sometimes, but you guys are so nice.
[allen starts talking to her to try and save me and I turn back to the rest of my friends]
[no good]
me: Yea so my friends aren't coming and I'm here by myself but you guys are so nice, and I really like your sparkles, I'm so jealous of your sparkles
ally: I like necklaces..
She went on and on about the same shit... but that is basically what happened till she just got up and left.
my friends decided....
"sparkles" = boobs
"I live kinda far so it sucks taking a cab ride all the way home its like a $30 cab ride that I have to pay by myself."= Come home with me
my friends now end every sentence in dyke when talking to me.
Probably one of the most awkward situations in my life.
3 or 4 years ago I had a livejournal which I wrote in everyday. Granted... almost every post was me whining like a bitch but regardless, I miss just typing away. I tried searching for my old username on livejournal but I can't find it haha.
Anyway
This past weekend was Valentines Day weekend. It really was just another regular day for me, I did not hate it, nor was I excited. I actually did get someone a card though, but I chickened out on giving it to them even though it was silly hah.
The actual "holiday" was spent with good friends at a Mexican restaurant. We were crowded in the corner by the bar and I'm sipping my margarita sitting on a barstool waiting for a table when all of a sudden I hear an "excuse me" coming from behind my friend. I turn to look and its some older girl sitting on the other side of him trying to get MY attention.
girl: Hi I really like your sparkles!
me: [took a while but i realized she was refering to my... necklaces] thanks
girl: Your sparkles are so pretty. I really like your sparkles.
me: Thanks a lot.
[I turn back to my friends who are clearly suffocating themselves to contain their laughter]
girl: Excuse me, I'm sorry you probably think I'm so rude, I really like your sparkles
me: Thank you
girl: What's your name I'm Kim [hand shake]
me: ally [and i return the hand shake pissed off because I know if I gave a fake name someone would call me out on it]
girl: I'm here all by myself my friends were suppose to come join me but they can't make it anymore and I'm just here alone so I figured I would at least have a good time.
me: oh that sucks
girl: I know! So I decided to have a margarita and a beer and just take a cab home later. I live kinda far so it sucks taking a cab ride all the way home its like a $30 cab ride that I have to pay by myself.
me: that sucks [I turn to my friends again who are now all blue in the face]
girl: So whats your name?
me: ...ally
girl: You're so nice, its hard to meet nice people in Philadelphia I go to school at DREXEL [of course, of course she goes to my school. fml- luckily she doing clinical rotations lmao] and its hard to meet people sometimes, but you guys are so nice.
[allen starts talking to her to try and save me and I turn back to the rest of my friends]
[no good]
me: Yea so my friends aren't coming and I'm here by myself but you guys are so nice, and I really like your sparkles, I'm so jealous of your sparkles
ally: I like necklaces..
She went on and on about the same shit... but that is basically what happened till she just got up and left.
my friends decided....
"sparkles" = boobs
"I live kinda far so it sucks taking a cab ride all the way home its like a $30 cab ride that I have to pay by myself."= Come home with me
my friends now end every sentence in dyke when talking to me.
Probably one of the most awkward situations in my life.
edit:
Greg: hahahahha
lololol
"i like yo sparkles gurrllll"
im picturing
like
a girl version
of the "can i getcho number" guy
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